The Art of Friendship: From Stranger To Collaboration

▼How To Go From “Will You Be My Friend?” To Meaningful Human Relations▼

How To Be an Evolved Entrepreneur or World-Class Leader ⬆ Images Hyperlinked

MISCELLANEOUS WRITINGS | 2010 EDITION | VOLUME 42

First of all, who IS a “stranger” anyway?

What is so wrong with daring to seek another's acquaintance? Or friendship?

What of your part as an evolved human being (click/tap image above) in enabling positive, constructive human relations?

Ever applied for college/university admission, for a job, or confessed love for someone, only to be rejected, or denied commitment?

How exactly wonderful would the “right” so-called “stranger” feel for being rejected, — when all they have/had is/were positive intention(s)?

Genuine friendship is the quest for dignity, productivity, progress, and happiness through brotherhood. Lookup that word, whatever one's sex or sexual orientation.

No matter how selfish or even, content one is, as a social being, it is both natural and smart at some point for the human spirit and soul to seek connection. And managed intelligently, we know that the human connection (watch video below) can blossom into to life-changing and history-making cooperation, collaboration, business, military, personal, and relationship success stories.

That is why there's no shame in seeking genuine friendship. For, as Anna Quindlen rightly said: “The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you'll have.”

Further, because attitude matters, and you never know when you will need others — just ask the Rohingyas and Aung San Suu Kyi's people — friendliness and prudence must, and can coexist, where there's a will.

Unfortunately, from Nobel laureates to to friends and family, too many people go through life without ever understanding the essence of the human connection: Ubuntu.

That is why lacking self-reflection, too many so-called friends, family, and fellow countrymen and women trample on one another's human dignity and human rights.

It is, sadly, one of the worst forms of human ignorance, albeit curable.

The basic formula being, as Henry Boyle put it, is to remember that: “The most important trip you take in life is meeting people half way.” But what about the risk shady or bad friends pose?

Sure, like you, I've also met my share of stupid people with stupid things to say. People who will waste your time, and life, if you let them.

I have also known long-time friends that I had to let go due to repeated dishonesty, bad communication etiquette, discourtesy, and snobbery. Including passive-aggressive attacks and behavior. People too self-absorbed to have any notion of, or respect for the principle of acknowledgment.

And as mental health experts will caution, with failed countless attempts to address issues, comes a degeneration of any friendship into feelings of disrespect, abuse, indignity, trauma, and for the vulnerable, other mental health risks. Particularly, if the friend(s) concerned flagrantly chooses to continue exploiting the weaker, or more vulnerable friend.

Nevertheless, such ups and downs are all personal growth opportunities.

Part of the circle of life.

Otherwise: “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” —Wayne Gretzky

Moreover, as a new or old friend, the easiest way to be unbearable (see below), is to be needy, rigid, self-absorbed, self-centered, self-righteous, unteachable, devoid of all self-awareness.

In other words, in order to be a good friend, first be an interested, interesting; ideally, evolved and discerning friend.

Mediocre “friends” abound. And nefariously or unknowingly, they excel both at giving bad advice and worsening others' narcissistic impulses.

So, naturally, if one is arrogant, elitist, impatient, unimaginative, condescending, close-minded, inconsiderate, stupid, socially paralyzed, culturally incompetent, yet a(n) internet poseur pretending to have excellent communication and social skills when in fact the contrary is true, then one is likely to give an oversimplified — if not stupid — advice in response to such a deceptively complicated question as:

“Can I make friends with you?” ... Will you be my friend?

If, on the other hand, one has mentees like mine, who have approached them seeking a canned answer on such topics, and yet their own human experience has taught one that the appropriate answer varies — from type of person, to timing or simply time of day, to place, cultural milieu, to one's mood; even to issues of concern for your own security, as well as, if one wanted to 'complexify' things: taking into consideration the (apparent) mental or emotional stability of the person soliciting their friendship, — then one's answer, I'd argue, stands a chance of being most appropriate.

While they certainly are entitled to their opinions, comments (on a Ning site) like:

“Only retards will try to make friends this way” and,

“Don't bother sending me friend requests if i don't know you already. I will just ignore them”

...are precisely why I always say: Open-mindedness is easier to profess than practice.

Many netizens like to they are open-minded” when in practice, it is hard for most.

Think about it, if you have respect for logic.

From a so-called “perfect stranger's” perspective, what kind of world or society would we have if perfect strangers feared comments and reactions like the above?

All a stranger is, is possibly an awesome human being, or friend that one is yet to discover. One who comes into your life potentially, to enhance your quality of life, or teach you a thing or two.

If not, and potentially one's worst nightmare, that too, is why Advanced Personal Leadership skills such as this one (you're reading) and all the hyperlinked herein should be part of one's personal development, and sign of good upbringing.

For, life consists of both the good and bad, as well as the unpredictable. And arguably, one purpose of friendship people often forget until they are helpless, is to prepare us for all three eventualities. Offline, as well as online.

Anecdote 1:

I have an American friend. Decent man. Married with children. Old enough to be my dad.

Before he eagerly came up to me and shook my hand, someone (not I) would have labeled him a "stranger".

We met in a bank in Nanshan years ago and have been great friends since.

He was there doing his thing with his secretary, and so was I, with a female friend. Except, I noticed he kept making eye contact from a distance.

To me, he was asking: “Can I make friends with you?” long before opportunity brought us closer in a queue/line.

All I had to do was avail myself and be an evolved human being. And, extending the courtesy at least that afternoon, I succeeded.

Anecdote 2:

An obviously hurt Mainland Chinese student once came to me talking about: “What did I do wrong?”

She had spotted a British couple at a Post Office and gone up to them, God bless her heart, with the line: “Can I help you?”

Mind you, she wasn't an employee. Just an English major who assumed they needed help. A common, albeit invasive local gesture meant to convey friendliness, often practiced by the less culturally competent or well-educated.

Bottom line, they treated her like crap. Be grateful if you have this experience earlier.

Anyway, after laughing out loud (at her, I confess), I put my arm around her and told her everything she did wrong, including making it clear to her that she must have offended them as much as she felt insulted by their disinclination to acquiesce to her offer, plus how to avoid such faux pas next time.

Experiences like hers are legion, for a variety of social, cultural educational, intellectual — including, self-development or Advanced Personal Leadership — and even, political reasons we needn't get into right now.

However, all of them create seemingly insurmountable huge gaps in social skills and common sense guaranteeing such clashes. Particularly, given China's tech dystopia, which has left millions “educated” enough to be tech and mobile savvy, pass exams and land jobs, yet still oblivious of basic international norms.

In the same country meanwhile, and beyond, you will find even more powerful examples of how strangers meeting me came to have meaningful human relations with me. Read, when you have a chance:

Ultimate Financial Advice for 2020 — Part of the Legit Minimalism series. And:

Operation Liberté 2020: Leaving China

They are why Shakespeare was right to say that: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” And also, why always checking your attitude when it comes to making, and hopefully, attracting high quality friends, matters.

I hope the feature video (above) helped. Proceed or finish below.

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